Last night I met an old friend, a musician. He plays the classical guitar.

We live in different countries and meet every few years. The last time we met was 2005/2006 in Amsterdam, where I spent Christmas and New Year’s with him, his wife and a few other friends. I still remember that winter and brown jacket he always wore in Amsterdam.

Although we’ve known each other for more than ten years, since our adolescent days in school and have considered each other as best friends, yesterday was the first time I explicitly (as opposed to implicitly) acknowledged to myself that I should throw away my longstanding assumption that I know the guy and be prepared to rediscover and renew my understanding and appreciation of him, somewht like a cross between how you would approach a new friend and getting to know an old friend all over again. “Keep an open mind”, I told myself, “Don’t assume anything”. He must have changed so much that even a few years back, you didn’t even realize you weren’t keeping pace with the changes anymore. We have not been around each other nor been updated of all the profound changes in our personalities and worldviews. It would have been foolish to assume that this was the exact same person I knew from years back.

After exchanging quick hugs and greetings, he played the guitar for me for more than an hour. I hope he will give me the names of the pieces he played, which included something from Dowland.

That one hour or so listening to him play in the growing darkness of the evening when dusk was falling, amidst traffic noise, was an emotional experience for me. I wish I had recorded his playing and could share the recording with whoever is reading this now. But unfortunately, this is the only record of yesterday’s private concert, a poor non-musical record.

Although his playing improved each time we met, yesterday was to me the most significant improvement I recall. I consider it a breakthrough.

His playing had become more expressive and musical. The music he played spoke to me. I was so overwhelmed at some places I could barely speak properly after he finished playing. Mistakes did not bother him as much as it used to. When he made a mistake, he did not berate himself, replay the section, sigh or curse but just continued with the music and let it speak with as much feeling as he could summon from within himself. With this shift in focus, the ego had taken a backseat to the music.

What struck me yesterday was that just as he let himself make mistakes while playing, he also let himself let go on the guitar. It was as if he shed a self-conscious and sometimes intellectual sense of propriety (on how he should play, on how the music should sound etc) that I believe used to constrain his past playing. I believe his playing is maturing. I told him I think he is on the right track and he agreed, though the question in his mind was how far the track extends. I have faith that this is only the very beginning of the track.

In short: a profound change for the better in his playing.

From which I infer a profound change in his personality.

Kinks ironed out. Balances restored. Excesses, desires and impulses moderated. Expectations lowered. Growing forgiveness, tolerance and patience. Old demons given their dues. Who knows?

I recall Tommy Emmanuel saying during a master class, “Even before I met Chet Atkins, I felt like I knew him through listening to his music”. I was skeptical when I heard that but after yesterday’s private concert, I know what Tommy Emmanuel said must be true. That one hour or so during last evening’s private concert has given me a greater insight into my friend than would have been possible if we had spent the time chatting instead.

My friend asked why I stopped writing on my blog. Well, now I have something to write about and this is it.

Post script: My wife says my friends have all matured, it’s time I keep pace.

Interestingly, over dinner, when I spoke to my friend about my wife’s suggestion on how I should approach playing the guitar (spend time listening to and feeling the music before playing it, sing and move to the music before playing it, play in a way so that me, the guitar and the sounds from the guitar is integrated and not separate entities) he said she’s spot on. Bear in mind, she’s not a musician and has only started piano lessons for a few months.

I am lucky and blessed to have perceptive and wise people around me who care for me, love me and tolerate my flaws.